Ameeeeeeeeey ♥

hello .
bleah , woke up early again .
but not for madrasah but went out with family for breakfast .
thats all .

to dearest NurMerdina ,
you can come to talk to me all you want .
like i already try to put across to you ,
i didnt do anything to you until you provoke me .
you trying to blame me for things i never do ..
and in this case youre trying to say that i was the one who told teacher you cheat in class .
and like i said , i DID NOT do it .
and if you didnt provoke me with ure mean words and ure childish acts ,
would you even think i wanna waste my time and blog about you ?
and pls , if i wanna bear any grudges against you , i would have did long-long ago .
and pls , this is such a minor understanding that you refuse to understand .
and im a small fly to you ?, so what . do you even think i care .
and if people hates me , like again i would say ..
do you even think i care . im old enough to know that i live for myself and not anybody else .
so if ure unhappy which clearly you are and that you wann fight it out ,
i'll be glad to sit there and try again to get my point across that i plainly did not do anything ,
UNTIL you provoke me . and dont try to put the blame on me sayink that i was the one
who started everything . between us , we clearly know who start eveything first .
you wanna talk things out ?, fine . just be prepared to listen and to reflect on ureself .
everybody have patience and i guess to me , youre actions are a little bit too over the top .
and dont tell me this crap bout ramadhan and all , if you ureself aint that good ,
if you wanna talk bout the islamic rules and regulations here ,
you should clearly know that youve almost went against all .
cheating , backstabbing , lying , and provoking .
theres more i should say , but i guess thats more than you can handle .
and pls , if you say im just blogging here for self-entertainment ,
pls , who blogged bout who first ? who initiated the fight first ?
im not pointing fingers , but if all ure friends are fair and dont side you jsut because
ure their friend , they should know , who provoked who .
thats all i can say , if you wanna talk , fine , we'll talk .
dont say ure waiting for me to go talk to you , cause im satisfied with what i do ,
ure the one whos clearly not satisfied , so you come and talk to me .
thats it .

hms , now im gonna talk about me .
like i said in the previous post , i said that im feeling shitty
and that i feel that im feeling all fake ,
be it when im smiling , laughing or just merely talking .
i felt like as if when i say im happy and that im okay ,
theres this feeling which says im not .
i dont know , i just feel broken .
and that even i dont care what people think ,
i know that everybody is looking at me and doubting me .
everybody's wondering whether im lyink or not ,
everybody's wondering whether everything i do is genuine or not .
whether my concern , care and love for them are genuine or not .
im sick of people misunderstanding my words cause i know ,
by that minor misunderstandings , feelings may get hurt .
and like ive always try to put across , all i do is with my pure sincerety
and that ive bear no grudges against anyone .
but i guess , everybody's judging from the outside and not on the inside ,
and that also , nobody's listening .
im tired of tring to make myself be heard , to be treated fairly ,
cause i know at the end of the day , everybody is jsut gonna doubt me like theyve always
did . so im just gonna leave things alone , and mind my own business ,
and let everything be , cause i know no matter how hard i try ,
things will never change . bcoz i know , im still the same Amirah people can step all over ,
the same Amirah who people dont care about .
you know what , i dont even know whos my real friends anymore ,
cause most of them turns out to be hypocrites that sometimes my trust for them just fade away .
and like Ryann said , everybody's a hypocrite and i admit i may be one ,
but i do rethink and i try to reform myself .
but , some people , they act all hypcritical to a person at one point and then be
their bestfriend the next , w/o the person knowing the truth bout
what he/she said or did to them .
all i know is , life is unfair and im tired of tyink to make things right and tryink to make my stand .
im tired and i think i wanna leave everything alone , try to live with all my regrets and
let them step all over me , cause i know in their eyes ,
im still a small fly like how Merdina put it that they can just kill in a matter of secs .
whats the point if nobodys listening to me , my cries & my plea for help ?
nobody's listening , nobody's looking and even if they were , they'll be looking
right through me .
i should have know , showing people what i am , shwoink people how real i am ,
cause now i know , they're just curious and theyre minds are filled with doubts .
from all that have happened and acknowledging the absence of faith in me ,
i think , i'll be better off on my own .

bbye ; I Love You .