Ameeeeeeeeey ♥

lyke hollaaaa .
todayy was a veryyy tiring day ferr me .
& yeahhhs saangeetha , we're more active dis year ,
; we playy & study at derr same time .
dats whyy , we feel so tired at derr end of derr dayy .

lessons todayy was okayy .
ferst period was maths & tcher intro us on probability .
its easy at derr beginning , durhh ! but im nort sure whether ,
it'll get harder later . lols .
& followed bby malay , cikgu was toking bout pelajaran and ,
mcm terase larhhs saya .. he keep toking bout olevels & c6 and so on .
even thou he didn directlyy sayy it right tuhh my face ,
i guess he's trying tuhh bring mwe down bby saying all dat .
& he talk about lorry lanngar motor tkbleyy and i gort reallie sadd at dat part ,
maybbe he didn noe .. it was a reallie sensitive topic ferr mwe .
lyke , watever .
denn , bio lyke usual , slack around . i prefer studying bio bby myself ,
cause i wont understand even if i payy close attention tuhh tcher .
denn recess , ate wif irsyad , renny and saangeetha .
followed bby english .. lyke yay , theres no tcher till monday i suppose .
soo , we slack again .
denn poa , i did derr werk ! lyke yay & gort it all correct .
denn chemistry , went chem lab .. but i didn payy attention ,
in short , i slacked . nono , i was doink my poa werk . lols .
went nafa after skool & saw abng zamak dere .
and denn went bck tuhh skool .

& i gortt reallie moodless and i even cried on my wayy back .
yeahhs , im soo sick of all dis .
im soo sick of pretending im okayy .
im soo sick of holding my tears back .
im soo sick of all dis .
wenn is everytink gonna get better ?
im lyke filled wif disappointment .
onne dayy , i feel great & denn i go totally moodless derr nxt .
lyke thnks , ferr avoiding mwe & ignoring mwe wenn i scream ure name .
youu gort mwe looking crazyy . terima kasih larhh bnyk2 .
ive had enough of slow-talking with youu . dh enough ehhks .
i cann act lyke i dont care , act dat i dont miss youu , act lyke i dont even noe youu .
but youuu should noe , i do care , i do miss youu & i dat i do noe youu , reallie well .
& dat i miss youu lyke hell loads .
alarhhh , watever .

* Im sitting here

Thinking bout

How im gonna do without

You around in my life and how am I

I gon' get by

I ain't got no days

Just lonely nights

You want the truth

Well girl im not alright

Feel out of place and out of time

I think im gonna lose my mind

So tell me how you feel

Are you for real

Do you still think of me

Baby still

Do you dream of me at night

So let me tell you how it feels

Wish i was dreaming but its real

Let me tell you how it feels

I think that i will never love again

I miss your face

I miss your kiss

I even miss the arguments

That we would have from time to time

I miss you standing by my side

I'm dying here its clear to see

There ain't no you, God knows there ain't no me

Don't wanna live, I wanna die

If I cant have you in my life

So tell me how you feel

Are you for real

Do you still think of me

Baby still

Do you dream of me at night

Oh let me tell you how it feels

Wish i was dreaming but its real

Let me tell you how it feels

I think that I will never love again

ouuuh yeahhs , dat my late grandmother in case youu wonder .
i miss her lyke soo much .
& theres lyke an article about accidents in monday's paper .
and grandparent's storyy was insyde . yeahhs , its sadd .
yeahhs nisa , her tyme is up .. prayy fer her okayys .
dont bbe sadd . cause i noe , our late nenek wont wann us tuhh bbe sad .

im tired ; from school .
seriouslyyy . & my bag is lyke super heavy everydayy .
and dat cause my backbone tuhh hurt lyke hell .
& mwe and saangeetha have made it a point tuhh stayy abck in school
everydayy tuhh complete our homework everyday .
& studyyy group at saangeetha's house on saturdayyyyy !
; anyonne wanna join ?
and she saed , even thou , theres no mudpie at her house , theres lortslorts of icecream (: !
good enough ryte renny ? hahas .
and yeahhhs , theres worldwide extinction of mudpie .
wtheckkkk !
& i think i caught ammarah laogongonggong staring at mwe after srp todayy .
wadds wif dat ? scaryy .
okayy go .

* dis just cant bbe summer love , you'll see ..

MISTER ! ; ure crushing on her real badd .
ure my frenn , how am i nort tuhh noe .
& ouuuhx , im tryink soo hard tuhh pretend dat i dont care .
soo , i wont get hurt . good job miraaa .
and yest i wonder , whyy at ferr ferst place , youu sayy
wadd youu sayy tuhh mwe , if youu knew dat you'll
end up hurtink mwe .
ive nort ask youu anitink cause im still plucking up all my courage ,
but im gonna ask youu veryy soon .
make sure youu have derr answer , & dont give mwe crappified answers .
i wont bbe satisfied and will bombard youu wif more questions instead .
and yeahhhhs , ily and i still do have feelinks ferr youu still ,
but , i dont care . ive had enough of everytink ,
& plsplspls dont hurt mwe anymore .

i woke up around 7am todayy . yeahhs , late waking up tyme again ferr madrasah .
reach derr mosque 8am sharp . lols . soo nort considered late .
as usual , nazri is behavink lyke crapp .
i even ask hym whether he's autistic and he saed he is .
still chilidish larhh kauu .
& ure intense stares , scares mwe .
and maryam ; stoppit ! i noe he keeps staring at mwe all derr tyme .
and lol ! he actuallie smiled wenn i stepp into derr classroom .
and i feel dat lessons were fun todayy . but i still did get bored
& ended up sms-ing pple .
ibu ! , dere's less thann $20 in my prepaid card .
biler mau topup ? , u saed end of january wenn youu get ure payy .
and ayah , dont wann buy mwe ice cream anymore . )':
and fared was super annoyink just noww ,
he laughed wenn he saww mwe . i noe i look odd wif derr tudong on ,
but youu dont have tuhh laugh larhh kann ! lols .
he sat in front of mwe in derr bus and he keep talking wif hys frenns ,
which is noisy . and all hys remarks are obviouslyy meant ferr mwe .
he saed , ' aderr budak sec4 dis year , conferm fail siaa . aderr otakk dh sot . '
& ' kau dh dpt ic ? ouuhx ! aku lagiik duer bulan dpt . '
denn went i wanted tuhh alight , i didn realised my card holder
was on derr side where i kept my ic . lyke durhhh ! fared saww it
& he saed , ' ehhks ! tk pyh tunjok ic perr .. '
irritatink larhh kann !
mcm nk sepaksepak seyy muker . lols .
i didn even realise dat he cann see my ic . lols .

im lazy & i wann studyyyyy .
okayy go .

hahas . im bored & i did dis bleach test twinn told mwe about .
& derr last piic , is socalled mwe and twinn's piic anime version .
cause twin's bleachcharacter is derr tall freak & im rukia kuchiki derr shortyy .
its unfair dat he's sooo tall , while im so short .
and it applies tuhh real lyfe oso . he's freaking tall .
cool larhh siol . im toking lyke naqib .
& arhhhhs ! i wann playy dat game .
broooooo , i wann ure psp !

& i found dis , and i think its nyce .
and sooo true .
okayy go .

* Head under water

And they tell me to breathe easy for a while

The breathing gets harder, even I know that

You made room for me but it's too soon to see

If I'm happy in your hands

I'm unusually hard to hold on to

Blank stares at blank pages

No easy way to say this

You mean well, but you make this hard on me

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's

Make or breaking this

If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to stay

If all you have is leaving

I'm gonna need a better

Reason to write you a love song today

I learned the hard way

That they all say things you want to hear

And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and

Your twisted words,

Your help just hurts

You are not what I thought you were

Hello to high and dry

Convinced me to please you

Made me think that I need this too

I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's

Make or breaking this

If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to stay

If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better

Reason to write you a love song today

Promise me that you'll leave the light on

To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone

'cause I believe there's a way you can love me

Because I say

I won't write you a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's make or breaking this

Is that why you wanted a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's make or breaking this

If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to stay

If your heart is nowhere in it

I don't want it for a minute

Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that

There's a reason to

Write you a love song today
:D

cause out of curiosity , i asked her wadds her damn motive ..
and denn youu came around telling mwe , dat deyy were joking .

sooo , wthell did youu tell mwe dat at derr ferst place .
hahas . yeahhhx , im still gonna bombard youu wif questions .
idontcare .

& dats soo swit ferr youu tuhh come over tuhh explain everytink wenn

i ask youu nort tuhh .. but still , i dont understand ure explaination till todayy .

soooo , mister , further elaborate and explain puhlease .

& i smell lyke derr kitchen since i cook todayy .

ewwww .

i wann mudpie ! okayyokayy , if nort ,
; mummy buyy mwe onne tub of icecream puhleaseeeeeeee .
& irsyad and saangeetha is reminded of mwe everytyme deyy eat mudpie .

huehue .

& ouuuhx ! even thou i think dat everytink i saed tuhh you were mean
and dat i regret sayink all dat tuhh youu ,
i cant stopp my frenns from thinking dat ure a badfrenn and having a
bad impression on youu .
i cried wenn i realised dat wadd i saed tuhh youu were too harsh ,
& i cried even harder wenn my frenns saed youu deserve it ..
cause i dont think derr same wayy deyy did ,
i dont think youu deserve dis oversensitive attitude of mine at ferst ,
but reallie now i think , you're too much .
wenn fee told mwe wadd ure older 'sisters' saed ,
i cant stopp thinking dat ure too full of ureself .
youu dont wann give mwe hope ? who derr hell wanns tuhh put hopes on youu ?
im holdink on tuhh ure werds , you're derr onne who saed closefrenns ..
but closefrenns dont leave the other in derr lurch wenn he/she is terriblyy upset .
do some soul searching . you claim youu noe wadd ure doink ,
if reallie , youu do .. youu wont bbe treating mwe lyke dis .
tell mwe ure fcuking motive .
im terrible upset about my results and yet , ure doink dis .
wtheck .

* cause youre nort there wenn i need youu derr most .

i cried derr moment i look at cikgu's face and hear wadd he saed ,
and after looking down at derr result slip .
i didn expect tuhh get results dat bad .
i actuallie didn even expect sumtink below B3 .
but i gort C5 . i ran over tuhh saangeetha and cried .
i looked ferr Farah all over derr skool but she left olreadyy .
& GREAT ! youu saww mwe cryink and didn even tryy tuhh console mwe ,
youu didn even ask wadd was my results and mostlyy , youu werent there
wenn i need youu derr most .
its a pleasure ryte ? , seeing mwe cryy my eyes out ?
lyke i saed , you saed close frenns , but i dont think we're even close tuhh frenns .
i olreadyy felt horrible bcoz of my results & i have dis RELIABLE frenn who made
mwe feel even more miserable .
yeahhs , luckilyy i gort ,
; saangeetha , renny , maryan (???) , cassandra , jill , daniel lee , kenric ,
desmond , saleem , merdina , noraini , zhallyka & hidayah tuhh console mwe .
thnks all ferr derr huggs and soothing werds .
merdina's shoulders were reallie ncye tuhh cryy on .
and MARYAN (???) , thnks ferr wanting tuhh give mwe a hugg .
even thou i didn react . lolx .
& yarr , i still feel horrible bcoz i just wanted dis onne person tuhh
cum and ask mwe whether im olryte and calm mwe down .
but yeahhs , dis wasnt derr ferst tyme i gort disappointed .
im nort tryink tuhh hate youu , youre derr onne who's tryink tuhh make mwe hate you .
)':

heyloooo .
todayyy sec 4e & 5n hadd derr most boring-est course ever .
lyke seriouslyy , i wasted three hours larhh .
cann go home sleep larhh .
derr course was super boring and i didn learn anitink at all .
lols .
i ate icecream again todayy . but i dont know wadds derr flavour .
collected my ic . super cacat larhh .
i hate my ic . boohoo .
ouuuh yarr , serangoon netball won derr match against woodlands sec .
hahhas . 17 - 0 . rabakk tuuk !
maybbe lepak-ing wif salihin and yayan on sat ,
; cann finally smack salihin ferr derr stoopid wakluu joke .
hahahs .
& my backbone hurts lyke fkcuing hell .
okayy go .

I ATE MUDPIE TODAYYYY ! & blueberryicecream .
; im soo happy .
tankieww saangeetha ferr walking tuhh hougangmall wif mwe
on such a hot dayy ! she insisted okayy .
lols . denn we took 119 outsyde hougang plaza and drop at chij , derr nxt stop .
denn walk all derr wayy bck tuhh skool bustop & take 136 home .
hahas . she was hoping she could see derr holyinnocent guyy she admire .
crazyyghrul . lols .
ive been trying tuhh get her holyinnocent's year book , but too badd !
; derr skool soo kental deyy dont produce anyy .
deepest apology tuhh , diana & faiz .
hahas . skolah korang kental !
no offence . lols .

our class was called up tuhh form a single row in front of derr quadrangle stage dis
morning . just bcoz we were derr last class tuhh settle down . lyke lols .
most of us just arrive in skool . such unfairness .
i sat down derr moment i came & denn have tuhh stand and form a single line in front of
derr stage . stoopid iqbal super irritatink larhh . keep sayink hie ! lols .
ahahas . denn after flagraising , derr tcher saed he givink us chnce and told us tuhh go bck tuhh our class line . sooo , wadds derr purpose of tellink us tuhh form derr single row in front of derr stage at derr ferst place ? lols .

and i almost drop dead durink pe .
lols . run around derr twice . lols , and saangeetha saed she tought i was gonna
get fits from derr wayy i was breathing while running .
mann ! ; she owaes tryy her hardest tuhh scare mwe .
& i wann go checkup tuhh see whether i have asthma or nortt !
seriouslyyy , ferst tyme in 15years dat i almost wann tuhh drop dead due tuhh
shortage of breath . lols . & lucky saangeetha , mr suratman ask her take long term mc .
im gonna kill dat luck bitch .
hahas . bitch is a veryy positive werd ryte saangeetha ?!
lols . she'll neo wadd i mean .
& i suck at standingbroadjump , i hve short legs larhhs .
i tried twice almost thrice and i cant seem tuhh pass . lols .
& siik iqbal super irritatink . aperr motive kau , blang aku kau single niek huhs ?!
lols .

went home & discovered im alone at home .
hurhur . listen tuhh songs on phone denn fall asleep in my uniform .
lols . tak smpt tukar dh tertdo .
woke up around 7pm denn discovered dat my skirt is dirtyy due tuhh catfur .
larhhhhs , confirm derr cat slept besyde mwe . lols . should have lock my door .
woke up , bath & studied mathhhs !
mira soo guai . lols .
i understand standard deviation !!!
watever .

hahas . mwe & naufal tried tuhh collect our identification card todayy ,
but derr lady isnt there . hahs !
must force naufal take wif mwe tmr .
& sufyan and saangeetha soo eager ferr us tuhh get our ic .
lols . mcm parents sending their child tuhh kindergarten on derr ferst dayy of skool .
cm phm . nvm yayan , im sure you'll bbe the ferst person i show my ic tuhh .
lols . kirekn sweet larhh tuuk .
hehs ! & i gort soo upset wif sumtink saangeetha saed .

& renny im soo sorie ure dad a.k.a bigboyy gort admitted tuhh hosp .
tell hym dat i wish hym tuhh get well soon .
& happy burfadyy tuhh ure mummy .
lols .

& I WANN MUDPIE TMR !
i swear saangeetha gonna slapp mwe .

i just realised , theres sumtink about mudpie in every of my posts .
lols .

&&& i tried tuhh pinch rainy three tymes todayy .
tapiik he dodge . ure good larhh deyy .
and sharul sec twon nyerr palm and my palm are of derr same size .
i feel soo small . he sec2 ferr goodness sake !
arghh !

okayy goo .

holla !
mondayy blues . i gort myself lyke soo bored in art and ss
todayy , since dats derr onlie two lessons todayy , dat i almost fell asleep .
but luckilyy , theres renny who cann make mwe laugh lyke superloud till i
irritate my nofun classmates .
lols . hahahs !
was suppose tuhh turn up ferr detention ferr skipping intensive durink derr
hols afterr skool todayy . but looka ll overr ferr derr tcher & she was lyke no where .
lols . sooo , maybbe just goink wif saangeetha on fridayy .
hhahas .
stayedbck wif sufyan & hairul and oso kinda naufal tuhh do hmwerk .
lols , but i onlie copied hairul's karangan mindmap soo i cann do my karangan .
hahahs . rabak ehhhks .
im surprise im bloggink noww wenn i have soo much werk tuhh do .
okayy go .

holla !
lols , just gort a phone call from yayan
& he told mwe dat he's stuck at my blogg lyke ferever .
hahahs . tuu larhh , right-click summore .
lols . i olreadyy told hym how tuhh get out of my blogg ,
but sumhoww , he cant . sooo sorie yayan , tryy tuhh figure it out ureself aite .
lols . & tell ure mummy , im smart . hehs .

woke up around 7am (!!!) todayy ferr madrasah .
lyke usual , every week , i'll rush lyke hell .
7am is olreadyy late ferr mwe & werst still , i havent even
iron my uni . lols . but still , i took my tyme rushing .
lols . understand wadd i meann ? lols .
reached masjid around 8am . lols . i wasnt late .
derr others were still assembling at derr carparking space .
lols . &&& i discovered muhaimin in my class , is sec 4 !!! ,
aku aderr geng . in ure face maryam ! ; im nort derr oldest .
huehue . lols .
&& my classmate Nasri , keep staring at mwe okayy .
since last week . i seat so-called besyde hym , at derr ferst row .
everytyme i turn tuhh hys side , i'll catch hym staring .
smcm siaa . lols , but dunnwann perasan / shioksendiriik , soo .. i never sayy anitink .
denn maryam told mwe dat she owaes see nasri staring at mwe .
all derr tyme . psycho or just madcase ? lols .
after madrasah , saww Nasri outsyde masjid denn he pointed at mwe ,
denn he and hys frenn followed mwe and maryam from behind .
but i quicklyy walk soo dat he wont bbe behind us .
lols . but ended up , meeting hym at bustop oso . take same bus summore .
& i caught hym staring AGAIN ! lols , wenn mwe and maryam turn and look at hym ,
he was staring . lols . of course , mwe and maryam laugh (loudlyy) .
denn wenn he alight , he gort soo happy he was grinning fromm ear tuhh ear ,
wenn i waved at hym . lols . conferm madcase larhh deknie .
&&& ask maryam , im nort making dis up .
and siik Nasri niek , onlie sec 2 .
=.=''

& yesterdayy , went ouut wif cuzzin nisaa tuhh cp .
lols , so called our favourite place , since we owaes go there wenn she come over
tuhh my house . & yeahhs , she treat mwe tuhh kfc cause i changed her blogskin
ferr her . lols . thnks bnykbnyk larhh ehhs cuzzin .
lols . & i have outstanding fine on my library card . larhhhs , i cant borrow books .
boohoo ): !

and celebrating naqib's and aidah's burfdayy SOON !
deyy wann go vivo and watch movie denn playyyy .
lols . i lyke dat plann .
dunnwann go beach olreadyy , i'll end up havink sand in my hair ,
ears , eyes and mouth .

i wann mudpie larhhh deyyy !
&& i eat icecream ; cookies and cream .
moremoremore !
i wann tubs & tubs , lyke super nyce i tell youu .
and MUDPIE !! MUDPIE !! :D

okayyy , gooo !!

* If you want to play it like a game

Well, come on, come on, let's play

Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending

Than have to forget you for one whole minute

They taped over your mouth

Scribbled out the truth with their lies

You little spies

They taped over your mouth

Scribbled out the truth with their lies

You little spies

holla !
im super bored here .
and i smell lyke curry larhh deyy ,
because i cooked curry todayy larhh deyy .
& im waitink ferr nisaa cuzzin tuhh come over ,
; so dat i'll have sumonne tuhh talkk crappy tuhh .
; and act all foolish and dumb wif .
; and who would curse derr person who hurt mwe lyke hell ,
; and make mwe feel all better wif her soothing werds .
and sumonne whoo would blanjer mwe MUDPIEEEEEEEEE ! (:
cuzzin , maner kauu ?

&&& suhail isnt irritatink , he's sweet but veryyy flirtatious .
and im nort playghrul lyke wadd u saed .
and youu wann spend tyme wif mwe ? cannn .
but pls , dont get too close .
oiiiii ! i need sumonne tuhh scare hym awayyy !

and fai called at 02.06am while i was sleeping .
and i messed up my sleeping tyme and ended up waking up at around 11am ,
unable tuhh bring myself tuhh skool ferr derr unstructured remedial programme
ferr PRINCIPLES OF ACCOUNTS !!!
& yest poa test was a disaster , i dont even understand derr question
and dont ask how i answer derr questions ,
bcoz derr answers are totally crappified .
damn , should have studied . but blame on my stm-ness , i fergort .
adn dere was bio test on thurs oso , cant answer derr questions oso .
altogether , i failed 3 test out of 5 tests .
i failed social studies bby 1mark ! ONE MARKK !
bio conferm fail and renny normala anak noordin copyy
all derr wrong answers fromm mwe .
poa ; its aint under confirmation cause its olreadyy confirmed .
and derr other twoo history test , i didn turn up ferr skool .
sooo , i fail .
and chairman , gave out timetable ferr common test olreadyy .
*shrieks* .
gee dearest (: , i need tuition from youuu .
my cuzzin-personaltuitor aka derr thirtyyearold smartass is escaping tuhh australiaaa .
HELPPPPPP !!

im eatink icecream !
; but i still wann MUDPIE !

& weyyyyyyyykkkk ,
where did you go ? , i miss youu soo .
sms or rather call pls ?
u saed close frenns , but we're nort even close tuhh frenns .
im sooo demanding & a nuisance .
alarhhhh , watever .

even wenn im in huge crowds ,

laughing tuhh some ridiculous joke ,

its youu im thinking about ,

& i cant help feeling alone .

H-E-Y-L-O-O !
todayy two tchers were absent ,
and i totally enjoyed derr three free periods
even thou i was bored . veryy bored .
& i brought along noi's comics but i fergort tuhh give it tuhh her .
& renny loan mwe her book .
lyke lols , pinjam mwe derr current book ure reading now after u finish it aite .
lols .
i wann read read read .
and hahas , i gort irritated bby some classmates .
lyke dumb larhh kann , u personally sayy it ryte tuhh mwe and renny's face
dat we're irresponsible . lyke , wheres ure manners ?
we're nort irresponsible larhhh , i fergort tuhh bring dat form & my healthbooklet
is missing . if our form tcher didn even comment dat much , wadd gives youu
derr right tuhh comment on us . yarr larhh , ure lyke derr tchers pet ,
while we're derr tchers pest larhh kirekn .
seriouslyyy larhhh , tryy tuhh keep ure comments tuhh ureself ,
or rather keep ure mouth shut tuhh avoid misunderstanding .
luckilyy , i wasnt in a baddmood .. i would have scream at youu if i were .
watever .

andand , fee dear (: thnks ferr derr hugg .
& farah , ferr beink worried and confuse . lols , i cann see it thru ure face .
and i noe u dunnoe wadd tuhh do wenn i start feeling loww and cryy .
i lett ouut everytink tuhh fee . she understands . but yeahhhhs , i dont wann do anitink
youu told mwe tuhh .. cause i feel im nort derr onne wif derr problem .
u saed close frenns , do close frenns walk past each other pretending
youu didn see each other ? ouuuh , dat hurts so badd .
and leaving skool without even sayink goodbye .
maybbe im overreacting , but close frenns or even bestfrenns dont do dat .
seriouslyyy larhhh , im missing youu lyke hell .
i cant do anitink now except tuhh wait , ferr ure call or even an sms .
ouuuh watever , i give up .
maybbe wenn youu decide youu miss mwe , u cann call or sms ,
tuhh check whether im still alive .

and just now went hougang mall wif farah .
lols . just derr both of us . long tyme since we did dat ehhks ?
stayed insyde library . and read .
denn amirah said from 4n2 came , she was lyke alone .
lols . denn amsyar montel came .
hahas . denn i went home . lols .

I WANN MUDPIE !
lortts & lortts of it .
sumonne loaded , blanjer mwe larhhhh .

& geedearest (: saed dat mwe and hym would last longlonglonger ,
longer denn went im wif khidhir . lyke , dats nort surprising .
i think so too .

cause even thou im nort suppose tuhh , i lurve youu alorttalortt still .

sejuta kali aku berani bersumpah ..
; diriku tanpa mu apa artinya cinta .
biar saja ,
waktu nanti yang menikmati
kisah ini ..
bersama mu , aku selam ..

todayy was an yucky but an okayy dayy altogether .
had a veryy long dayy .

hadd srp & malay dance afterr skool .
& i gett super irritated bby some of my classmates todayy .
& some matter oso which i cant blogg coz of some matters .
alarhhai , u reallie pick on ure frenns jerrk kn , u dont think
about how derr other three of us feel . saket hati sakk .
its my last year in derr skool larhh taww . luperkerr ? u still have another year in dat skool ,
remember ?
and i oso did gett emotional wif suzanna ,
kau sediyy , aku ponn sediyy eyys .
remember , ' wadd hurts derr most ? '
im reallie okayyyyy olreadyy but deepdeepdeep insyde im still hurtink .
im hurtink real badd . sumtymes i just cant stopp thinking of dis altogether .
and i onlie have farah tuhh complain tuhh , thru dat diary .

lols . my englis tcher , miss joyce tan is funny .
she saed , derr sec3 block which is derr middle block at skool ,
is derr mad pple block just bcoz derr classes there laugh , scream & cheer
alortt . sooo , u sayink dat derr secfours dis year are madd pple , coz we were from dat
block last year ? lyke haha .
and mr bk reallie embarrased mwe dis morning , he screamed my name into
derr michrophone just thh tell mwe tuhh sit down . lyke ferr goodness sake ,
i just came into skool and was talking tuhh rashidah about malay dance .
lols . denn , he screamed , AMIRAH MOKTAR and reallie scared mwe .
fikirkn nk mrh psl aperr ntahh . smcm .
& mrnazirulnaufal saed he wann tuhh kol mwe nurul instead of amirah .
denn he kol mwe moktar instead ..
& renny and saangeetha went ' eyyy , moktar !! ' ..
irritatink seyyyy .
ahahahahhas .

& farah syng taught mwe derr malay dance steps olreadyy .
lyke yay ! i think i did better in dance dis week . lols .
i cann focus olreadyy . lols .
yay miraaa .

& im gettink my ic nxt week .
abeyyy jakun . lols .

and wanted tuhh meet muliani syng at hougang mall after md .
went there and she was missing .. never even see her at all .
i reallie wanna bbe wif her .. and tok tuhh her .
bbe strong kayy darl , lyke mwe . go all derr wayy
& cryy if youu have tuhh , you'll feel better .

& even thou i saed tuhh muliani dat ,
i myself cant imagine us being together ..
& dat im okayy after hearing derr truth ,
bcoz i reallie wanted tuhh noe , cause i was in
full confusion since derr start of 2008 ,
and bby youu tellink mwe derr truth , uve remove a veryyveryybig
matter of my chest .
and i admit , i feel better .. i cann actuallie laugh lyke mad woman everywhere noww .
but still , deres dat tinytiny part in my tiny heart which is hurtink lyke mad .
and i noe , i wont feel better , cause ive been feelink lyke dis since
mid2007 bcoz of youu . aiaiai .
even thou i cann bbe all perky & bubbly and act all jakun wenn i see youu ,
i cann foresee we'll drift apart . bcoz we olreadyy are .
no more loudloud laughters and dumbdumb phone conversation .
i think i adapt reallie slow tuhh changes . but even if i did adapt tuhh derr change ,
i'll still feel funny with no youu tuhh fool around wif .
remember last year ?, we hold hands denn skip around second floor lyke fools ?
remember dat longlong phone calls ?
remember mwe stayink up wif youu till 4.30am on a skool nyte while you do ure hmwerk ?
& gettink constipation due tuhh derr mixed bubble tea thingyy ,
we mixed , green apple ice blended and blueberry ice blend into
onne cup and drink ? remember youu sending mwe on ure bike bck home from hougnag mall ?
remember , derr , ' EYYK , YANN ! HOTEL81 !! ' thingyy in derr bus ?
remember dis ? remember dat ?
(i reallie surprise myself , cause i cann remember all dis .)
in short , just tuhh summarise it all ,
my bestfrenn-fakeboyfrenn-oldmann ,
imissyouualortt .
lorttslorttsmore denn werds could sayy ..

ouuuh , watever !

all my lyfe , i'll bbe with you forever .

i didn turn up ferr skool todayy .
my bodyy gort realliereallie cold and hot at derr same tyme last nyte .
& i was trembling wif cold ? and sweating since it was soo hot ?
lols . mum & dad keep cumink into my room every feww minutes
tuhh check on mwe . seriouslyy , i think their scared dat i'll get fits lyke
wenn i was younger .
todayy woke up around 5am and discovered i cant even stand properlyy ,
sooo .. walkk tuhh parents room and told dad i dunnwann go skool .
denn went bck tuhh bed until around 11am .
im still burning here , and if youu touch my arm , its super cold ..
mcm ice kat dlm freezer . lols .
& mum keep koling tuhh check on mwe .
I WANN GO SKOOL TMR !
; its sooo boring at home .. & alone .

crapps larhhh .
yest i teared at skool .
sooo suddenly . i dunnoe whyy .
i suddenlyy felt soo sadd & dat ive kept all my emotions insyde ,
till i couldn take it any longer and cried .
i went around walking lyke some stoopid gonggong , telling fiona , muliani &
sri dat i wanted tuhh cryy . denn i sat down in between sri and muliani
& derr tears just came trickling down my face .
no sobs no nutink . just tears & my face confirm lyke onne blurr sotong .
hahas .
; thnks tuhh muliani , sri , fiona ferr derr huggs . made mwe feel better .
& renny oso ferr making mwe laugh & amabelle ferr derr tissue and ferr asking
ARE YOUU OKAYY ?! , so loudlyy . she cheered mwe up a little . lols .

yest tok tuhh amir twin on derr phone while online-ing ferr about 1hr30mins .
& twinn , he didn kol . crapp larhh youu .
hangup a while later cause dad started nagging ,
and i tried editing yayan's photo .. but , LOLS !
; i couldn think about nycenycefloweryflowerywerds tuhh edit in derr piic .
soo , i gave up , switch off derr comp and went tuhh sleep cause my head was killing
mwe .
& suhail dh giler aku rase .
andand , naqibbbb super swit larhhhhhs .
he blogged onne of my stoopid piics taken durink derr picnic ,
just too cheer mwe up . hahas .
thnks yerr naqib . i felt abitt better ,
and trust mwe , i was laughing lyke a lunatic insyde derr comp lab
& my art tcher must have think ive gone nuts . lols .
& yarrr ! dont ferget salihin , he tried cheering mwe up too .

lyke wadd i saed , i feel abitt better .
& hudaaa aku bkann emo okayys .

friendster bulletin ;

As I sat there in English
class,
I stared at the girl next to me.She was
my so-called 'best friend'. I
stared at her long, silky hair. I
wished she were mine, but she didn't
notice me like that.And I knew it.

After class she walked up to me and
asked me for the notes she had missed
the day before, and I handed them to
her.She said 'thanks' and gave me a
kiss on the cheek. I wanted to
tell her. I wanted her to know that I
don't want to be just friends. I
love her, but I'm just too shy. And I
don't know why.

11th Grade...

The phone rang. It was her on the
other end. She was in tears, mumbling
on and on about how her love had
broke her heart.

She asked me to come over because she
didn't want to be alone, so I
did. As I sat next to her on the sofa,
I stared at her soft eyes,
wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, a
Drew Barrymore movie,and three bags of
chips, she decided to go to sleep. She
looked at me,said 'thanks,' and gave
me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell
her. I want her to know that I don't
want to be just friends. I love her,
but I'm just too shy.And I don't know
why.

12th Grade...

The day before prom she walked to
my locker. 'My date is sick,' she
said. He's not going to go. Well,
I didn't have a date and in 7th grade
we made a promise that if neither
of us had dates we would go together
just as 'best friends,' so we
did.

Prom night, after everything was
over,I was standing at her front door
step. I stared at her. She smiled at me
and stared at me with her crystal
eyes. I want her to be mine, but she
doesn't think of me like that,and I
know it. Then she said, 'I had
the best time,thanks!' and gave me a
kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her.
I want her to know that I don't
want to be just friends. I love her,
but I'm just too shy. And I don't know
why...

Graduation Day...

A day passed. A week passed. A
month passed. Before I could blink, it
was graduation day. I watched as
her perfect body floated like an angel
up on stage to get her diploma. I
wanted her to be mine, but she didn't
notice me like that, and I knew
it. Before everyone went home, she came
to me in her smock and hat, and
she cried as I hugged her. Then, she
lifted her head from my shoulder
and said, 'You're my best friend,
thanks!' and gave me a kiss on
the cheek. I want to tell her. I want
her to know that I don't want to be
just friends. I love her, but I'm just
too shy. And I don't know why...

A Few Years Later...

Now, I sit in the pews of the
church. She is getting married,now. I
watched her say, 'I do' and drive
off to her new life, married to
another man. I wanted her to be
mine but she didn't see me like that,
and I knew it. But before she
drove away, she came to me and
said, 'You came!' She said, 'thanks!'
and kissed me on the cheek.I want to
tell her. I want her to know that I
don't want to be just friends. I love
her, but I'm just too shy. And I
don't know why...

Funeral...

Years pass, and I looked down at
the coffin of the girl who used to be
my best friend.' At the service
they read a diary entry she had wrote
in her high school years. This is
what it read: I stare at him wishing he
were mine. But he doesn't notice
me like that, and I know it. I want to
tell him. I want him to know that
I don't want to be just friends. I
love him, but I'm just too shy, and I
don't know why. I wish he would
tell me he loved me...i wish I did
too...i thought to myself, and I
cried.

sadd .

Your Depression Level: 88%

You seem to be severely depressed.You should seek immediate attention from your physician.Depression can be cured - you just need to take the first step.

Your Birthdate: December 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride.Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing.When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it.It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious.
Your strength: Your warm heart
Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions
Your power color: Black
Your power symbol: Musical note
Your power month: February

You Are An Understanding Girlfriend!

You care about your guy, so much that you tend to put him first
And while this makes your relationship smooth, sometimes you let big things slide
Still be your understanding self, but if something really bothers you - let your guy know
He'll still want you, even if you occasionally disagree

Your Sensitivity Score: 91%

You are an extremely sensitive person. You notice everything.You've probably been called overly sensitive before, and it's partially true.Highly sensitive people tend to be highly intelligent. And you just can't turn off that part of you.

i was bored .

youu kneww & youu saed ,
' losing mwe is derr same as losing ure own lyfe .. '
but , if youu kneww dat , whyy do youu still hurt mwe tyme & tyme again .
youu saed youu wasnt readyy , youre scared youu wont treat mwe well ..
im nort hoping tuhh bbe ure number 8 . im just hoping youu lurve mwe
lyke how i lurve youu . i read derr msgs youu send tuhh geedearest(: telling her
how youu feel bout mwe ..
but twoo dayys after dat , youu made mwe cryy realie badlyy ,
wenn youu told mwe tuhh ferget youu AGAIN .
soooo , wadd are youu telling mwe ? i dont understand .
whyy did youu pick mwe out of derr three ghruls youu lyke
& denn severlyy stabb mwe in derr heart tyme & tyme again ?
plsplspls tell mwe .

amirtwin(: ure unlucky im ure twin & im nort derr best & nutink good will ever
happen tuhh mwe .
& farahsyng(: gave mwe our shared offline diaryy ,
THNKS ! its hard tryink tuhh tok tuhh you noe dat we're in different class .

youuu help mwe up ,
denn youu push mwe down ,
now im hanging on derr edge bby my fingers .

we're different now yeahhs .
no more kecoh and loudloud laughters and talking crapp on & off phone ,
instead , we go on derr phone ferr twoo hours in silence .
i ahve sooo much tuhh sayy , sooo much tuhh lett go .
whenn youu ask ; miraa , do youu have anitink tuhh sayy tuhh mwe ?
i saed no . i actuallie do , there's alortt .
there's alortt bothering mwe .
ive yet tuhh find derr reason whyy i cryy everytyme we hangup .
ive yet tuhh find derr reason whyy im soo hurt insyde .
& ive yet tuhh find whyy i cant feel ure lurve anymore when youu sayy
youu still do lurve mwe .
its weird pretending nort tuhh see youu in skool .
it hurts tuhh pretend im okayyy .
i miss derr wayy youu use tuhh bbe , even wenn i noe uve nort chnge .
i dunnoe wadd i wann now .
i dont understand myself .
& i guess , nobodyy would understand too .
imissyouu . )':

im bck in skoolmode / studymode .
derr ferst week was okayyy BUT it gort ruined bby
sumonne due tuhh some reason .
yeahhhs , i gort severely distracted most of derr tyme ,
& noww im busyyy pretending tuhh bbe okayy ,
in order nort tuhh burse into tears .
lols . thnks dear renny & gee ferr making lame jokes
& making mwe laugh in class . it certainlyy helps alortt .

other than dat , im gonna post whatever i cann remember dat i did dis week .

Wedns ; after a series of longboring talks in skool hall , skool finally ended ..
met farah and bused tuhh compass .
met andriana and derr boyfrenn .. went bck home .
yeahhhhs , i was itching lyke hell due tuhh rashes .

& ouuuhs . malay dance on thurs was tiring ferr mwe wenn
i didn even turn up ferr skool dat dayy due tuhh rashes , fever & brokenheart .
lols . im damn luckyy i did turn up ferr malaydance dat dayy .
abng izwan derr new instructor taught us alortt of reallie tough stepps .
its olreadyy lyke , contemporary tradional dance .
get wad i meann ?
lols . headed tuhh hougangmall wif renny , hidayah & farah after practise .
renny and hidayah mkn cheese haram from derr nachos machine . ishk .
& ouuh yarr , he called wenn i expected hym nort tuhh .

woke up bright and earlyy around 5am on fridayy .
walk tuhh 123 , saangeetha's block wif bro since plan tuhh go tuhh
skool wif herr . ignore hym & hys frenn behind . i wasnt brave enough tuhh
communicate yet . lols . chase after derr bus cause gee & bro ask mwe tuhh .
lols . i was surprise i had derr energyy tuhh run cause didn eat since
thursdayy morning .
i also surprise myself dat i was sooo smangat tuhh studyy during ss class .
and i wrote formal letter during english class . lols .
after recess , poa was nutink . tcher didn teach , we just listen tuhh hym crapp .
went compass point wif hidayah , zhallyka & renny after skool .
denn accompany renny bck tuhh skool fer netball .
danielHO entertained mwe wif hys piano playink & he saed i remind hym of alicia keys .
lols . & JIRAHjiwangggg . wheeeeee , imissyouu lyke hell loads .
finally get tuhh hug her yest .
went bck home wif athirah . talked on derr phone wif hym till around 1.04am .
denn fell asleep after tearing .

ive realised , ure soo different noww .
& im saddd .

* what hurts the most, was being so close

and having so much to say

and watchin you walk away

never knowing, what could have been

and not seein that lovin you

is what I was tryin to do .

im hurt .
and cause now wenn i see youu , i have tuhh avoid looking into ure eye .

and now wenn i see youu i feel lyke runing away all derr tyme .

i have soo much tuhh sayy tuhh youu ,

but im speechless everytyme i see youu .

i told youu im okayyy , but i feel lyke tearing all derr tyme .
and now i cant deny , im emotionally hurt ,

; cause youuu gave mwe everytink and denn take it all away ..

i cant focus on everytink i do noww .
& i have youu tuhh thank .

heyheyhey .
HAPPY NEW YEAR !
&&& i almost died laughing watchink pple countdowning at vivo on tv .
mcm bodoh gituuk larhh kann .
dariik korang lompatlompat mcm monyet dkat vivo sesak tuuk ,
kn lebiyy baek kau berzikir kt masjid . lols .
tahun baru jekk kann . lols .
abeyy jakun smcm seyyy . lols .

yesterdayy watch tv while talking tuhh yayan on derr phone
WHILE scratching myself . lyke wtfarkkk , my body itch lyke hell ..
ferr no apparent reason . lols . woke up dis morning
& discovered dat i have red swollen marks all over my bodyy .
and guess wadd i did , since it still itch , i scratched ,
& it gort worse . almost every part swollen & red luhhs .
bagos larhh tuuk .
i olreadyy became derr donation box ferr bedbugs at batam
& noww , i gort redswollenmarks all over my bodyy because of ____ ???
and i have cuts all over my legg . not tuhh mention derr scratch mark
cause byy my cat & oso derr cut where hot oil accidentally spilled on my arm .
aku collect kudis larhh deyy . cm paham .
my legs and hands / arms was kudis-free before dis larhhh taww .
dumb larhhhh . lols .

& ASS larhhhh . skool's reopenink tomoro .
im soo nort looking ferward , bcoz dat means ,
hmwerk , srps , books & studystudystudy .
haiyoooooo . but i have no right tuhh sayy anitink ,
since i didn turn up ferr derr twoo weeks srp wenn my other classmates
did .. sooooo , too badd .
even if i complain , skool's still reopening .
lols .

sooo , before i end my post , take a look at derr piic below ,

& see if u cann recognise dis famous playboy .

...

dis guyy aint any ordinary playboy larhh tawww .
he's md. sufyan bin amirhamzah aka YAYAN !
derr fakeboyfrenn-oldman-bestfrenn tuhh mwe .
and i heard , lynette and muliani is selling hys number ferr cash .
lols , dont worry , u'll get hys number from mwe free IF he allows it .

(: