hello .
bleah , woke up early again .
but not for madrasah but went out with family for breakfast .
thats all .
to dearest NurMerdina ,
you can come to talk to me all you want .
like i already try to put across to you ,
i didnt do anything to you until you provoke me .
you trying to blame me for things i never do ..
and in this case youre trying to say that i was the one who told teacher you cheat in class .
and like i said , i DID NOT do it .
and if you didnt provoke me with ure mean words and ure childish acts ,
would you even think i wanna waste my time and blog about you ?
and pls , if i wanna bear any grudges against you , i would have did long-long ago .
and pls , this is such a minor understanding that you refuse to understand .
and im a small fly to you ?, so what . do you even think i care .
and if people hates me , like again i would say ..
do you even think i care . im old enough to know that i live for myself and not anybody else .
so if ure unhappy which clearly you are and that you wann fight it out ,
i'll be glad to sit there and try again to get my point across that i plainly did not do anything ,
UNTIL you provoke me . and dont try to put the blame on me sayink that i was the one
who started everything . between us , we clearly know who start eveything first .
you wanna talk things out ?, fine . just be prepared to listen and to reflect on ureself .
everybody have patience and i guess to me , youre actions are a little bit too over the top .
and dont tell me this crap bout ramadhan and all , if you ureself aint that good ,
if you wanna talk bout the islamic rules and regulations here ,
you should clearly know that youve almost went against all .
cheating , backstabbing , lying , and provoking .
theres more i should say , but i guess thats more than you can handle .
and pls , if you say im just blogging here for self-entertainment ,
pls , who blogged bout who first ? who initiated the fight first ?
im not pointing fingers , but if all ure friends are fair and dont side you jsut because
ure their friend , they should know , who provoked who .
thats all i can say , if you wanna talk , fine , we'll talk .
dont say ure waiting for me to go talk to you , cause im satisfied with what i do ,
ure the one whos clearly not satisfied , so you come and talk to me .
thats it .
hms , now im gonna talk about me .
like i said in the previous post , i said that im feeling shitty
and that i feel that im feeling all fake ,
be it when im smiling , laughing or just merely talking .
i felt like as if when i say im happy and that im okay ,
theres this feeling which says im not .
i dont know , i just feel broken .
and that even i dont care what people think ,
i know that everybody is looking at me and doubting me .
everybody's wondering whether im lyink or not ,
everybody's wondering whether everything i do is genuine or not .
whether my concern , care and love for them are genuine or not .
im sick of people misunderstanding my words cause i know ,
by that minor misunderstandings , feelings may get hurt .
and like ive always try to put across , all i do is with my pure sincerety
and that ive bear no grudges against anyone .
but i guess , everybody's judging from the outside and not on the inside ,
and that also , nobody's listening .
im tired of tring to make myself be heard , to be treated fairly ,
cause i know at the end of the day , everybody is jsut gonna doubt me like theyve always
did . so im just gonna leave things alone , and mind my own business ,
and let everything be , cause i know no matter how hard i try ,
things will never change . bcoz i know , im still the same Amirah people can step all over ,
the same Amirah who people dont care about .
you know what , i dont even know whos my real friends anymore ,
cause most of them turns out to be hypocrites that sometimes my trust for them just fade away .
and like Ryann said , everybody's a hypocrite and i admit i may be one ,
but i do rethink and i try to reform myself .
but , some people , they act all hypcritical to a person at one point and then be
their bestfriend the next , w/o the person knowing the truth bout
what he/she said or did to them .
all i know is , life is unfair and im tired of tyink to make things right and tryink to make my stand .
im tired and i think i wanna leave everything alone , try to live with all my regrets and
let them step all over me , cause i know in their eyes ,
im still a small fly like how Merdina put it that they can just kill in a matter of secs .
whats the point if nobodys listening to me , my cries & my plea for help ?
nobody's listening , nobody's looking and even if they were , they'll be looking
right through me .
i should have know , showing people what i am , shwoink people how real i am ,
cause now i know , they're just curious and theyre minds are filled with doubts .
from all that have happened and acknowledging the absence of faith in me ,
i think , i'll be better off on my own .
bbye ; I Love You .
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
hello .
woke up super early than usual today .
reason being , promised Ibu that i'll accompany her to her workplace
as she had duties and that she didnt wanna be alone in the building .
so woke up at 7am and headed out around 7.45am .
reached Raffles Place and ate breakfast .
trust me , the whole buildings empty ..
okay fine , im exaggerating , a few of my mum's colleagues were there ,
but still its so quiet unlike normal days .
and what can i expect ? there's probably a gazillion files in the offices in the building .
at least a million in one office multiply by 30 floors . how many files do you get ?,
alot right ?
and the way the adults use escalators are stupid , reallie .
okay maybe i just found out cause adults keep pushing me from the back ON a
escalator . it was at Dhoby Ghout and the whole place was jam-packed with working-adults
reporting for overtime , atleast before the teens dominate the place at noon .
i was on the escalator and they keep pushing me ..
and Ibu told me that i have to stand on the left side of the escalator if im not running
up the escalator and that the right side of the escalator are meant for people
who think its safe to run up the escalator .
isnt it stupid ? i frowned and told Ibu that , its not logical and that if these
typical Singaporeans want to run up escalators , they
might as well run up the stairs that are almost always empty . maybe they'll get
on the level they want faster . and isnt it stupid ?
im sure the escalators are for people to stand and allow the 'moving-stairs'
to bring them up . and if they wanna run up , whats the point of having escalators ?
and imagine if the whole bunch of them are running up the escalators and that
one of those people in the group accidentally tripped ? im sure you know ,
the edges of the steps of escalators are sharp and that its easy to get ureself hurt .
you may even jam up the whole damn escalator and then delay everybody else .
i find Singaporeans these days , stupid and very-very-very-kiasu .
i dont think by running up the escalator , can save you from being late at work ,
i suggest that maybe you should try waking up early . lols .
people nowadays , *breathes in deeply* .
ouh ya , went with Ibu on her checking-faxmachines-for-urgent-faxes-rounds
and went up and down the building . and then i complete reading my book while
listening to music .
hms , then ate lunch and went back home .
chat and blabla , the usual stuffs you do when ure online & blog ,
and my comp's been affected with virus or sumtink cause something or
someone keep typing nonsense in my online conversations with Farah .
like lols . and i die-die thought it was Dinno whos tryink to prank me , but he's offline T.T
so , it wasnt me . nvmind , currently my comp's on scanning mode ,
scanning for viruses that is .
and currently im so-so-so-very bored .
and im gonna stay that way throughout the day .
yeahhhhs , i'll go read up my chem notes soon .
and probably start on my project for Ibu .
and also colour my art layouts *pukes* .
and blehhh , i miss Irsyad alot :'[[[[
hurhur .
bye ; I Love You .
woke up super early than usual today .
reason being , promised Ibu that i'll accompany her to her workplace
as she had duties and that she didnt wanna be alone in the building .
so woke up at 7am and headed out around 7.45am .
reached Raffles Place and ate breakfast .
trust me , the whole buildings empty ..
okay fine , im exaggerating , a few of my mum's colleagues were there ,
but still its so quiet unlike normal days .
and what can i expect ? there's probably a gazillion files in the offices in the building .
at least a million in one office multiply by 30 floors . how many files do you get ?,
alot right ?
and the way the adults use escalators are stupid , reallie .
okay maybe i just found out cause adults keep pushing me from the back ON a
escalator . it was at Dhoby Ghout and the whole place was jam-packed with working-adults
reporting for overtime , atleast before the teens dominate the place at noon .
i was on the escalator and they keep pushing me ..
and Ibu told me that i have to stand on the left side of the escalator if im not running
up the escalator and that the right side of the escalator are meant for people
who think its safe to run up the escalator .
isnt it stupid ? i frowned and told Ibu that , its not logical and that if these
typical Singaporeans want to run up escalators , they
might as well run up the stairs that are almost always empty . maybe they'll get
on the level they want faster . and isnt it stupid ?
im sure the escalators are for people to stand and allow the 'moving-stairs'
to bring them up . and if they wanna run up , whats the point of having escalators ?
and imagine if the whole bunch of them are running up the escalators and that
one of those people in the group accidentally tripped ? im sure you know ,
the edges of the steps of escalators are sharp and that its easy to get ureself hurt .
you may even jam up the whole damn escalator and then delay everybody else .
i find Singaporeans these days , stupid and very-very-very-kiasu .
i dont think by running up the escalator , can save you from being late at work ,
i suggest that maybe you should try waking up early . lols .
people nowadays , *breathes in deeply* .
ouh ya , went with Ibu on her checking-faxmachines-for-urgent-faxes-rounds
and went up and down the building . and then i complete reading my book while
listening to music .
hms , then ate lunch and went back home .
chat and blabla , the usual stuffs you do when ure online & blog ,
and my comp's been affected with virus or sumtink cause something or
someone keep typing nonsense in my online conversations with Farah .
like lols . and i die-die thought it was Dinno whos tryink to prank me , but he's offline T.T
so , it wasnt me . nvmind , currently my comp's on scanning mode ,
scanning for viruses that is .
and currently im so-so-so-very bored .
and im gonna stay that way throughout the day .
yeahhhhs , i'll go read up my chem notes soon .
and probably start on my project for Ibu .
and also colour my art layouts *pukes* .
and blehhh , i miss Irsyad alot :'[[[[
hurhur .
bye ; I Love You .
Friday, August 22, 2008
hello .
schools been fine today , but some minor-minor stuffs
do reallie make me go sour for awhile .
but hey , im okay :]
pls lah classmate , im sick of ure stuck-up antics ,
like i said whatever you do and say to me or others ,
dont matter .. it just shows how IMMATURE you are .
and im not gonna waste my time talking or explaining this misunderstanding
to someone IMMATURE . not only am i gonna waste my time , saliva and get myself tired ,
im very sure , nothing i say will go through ure pea-size brain .
and btw , if you said that i cried just to gain sympathy ,
then , i can say that to you today .
i saw you cryink last night during night study and today in english class today ,
if im a b*tch like how ure acting , i could have just gone to ure place and said right in ure face
that you should reflect on ureself and that you ureself are tryink to gain sympathy .
but luckily , im nice and even if idk why ure cryink , im sure things are hard ,
thats why ure cryink and it'll dampened ure mood even more if i went there
and act all bitchy . im not just sayink and not doink it cause i dont dare ,
pls .. you know im no longer that small kid you can push around and
that i dare to say or do anitink i want cause i know whats the consequences are
and that im brave enough to speak up for it .
and ya , stop insisting that majority of the class hates me , cause
all you know , the majority doesnt hate me but hates you instead .
dont be so sure of ureself and ure mouth cause im pretty sure im much more nicer
to you even if im noisy and that MAJORITY of the class hates you more than me .
stop pointing fingers at me , when you ureself aint no better .
you know ureself best , so reflect on ureself , im in no position to judge ,
but judging from what i see in school on how you behave and treat people ,
i know ure much-much-much worst that me . in ure face !
like ive said , schools been fine , but due to my classmate who
seriously have nutink better to do and who doesnt have any manners ,
which reallie reflect on her upbringing , reallie make me frown .
but now , im no longer gonna waste my time thinking bout ure immature acts
and that you know whatever you say reflects greatly on ureself and that ure
wasting ure brain cells and saliva talking to me .
furthermore , i didnt do anitink to you & i dont think im doing anitink wrong now .
two can play the game , and if you think you can blog bout me labelling me and
Saangeetha barbarians , i can blog bout you too . and pls ,
go opened up the dictionary and check up the meaning of barbarian ,
cause i dont think im behaving like a uncivilised person like you are .
and im reallie disappointed that Malay Dance are not performing
for the teacher's day concert duer to shortage of time and also
unsupportive co-members .
note : if you arent willing to sacrifice ure time and effort ,
jsut say so right in oure faces . mind you , we might not be like the other seniors
last year who are fierce but , we tried to give you guys face and kept
quiet bout some stuffs .. but if ure gonna give us faces and talk crap
that brought down our hopes , i suggest you wait till all of us are gone and than
start showing ure attitudes next year cause , we are STILL here and we're not blind .
and its okay , Syakila . i'll just treat the Grand Dinner Concert Performance
as the last performance for me . i dont blame you for anitink okie ?
and yes , insyaallah if theres another chance , we'll jump for it .
okays , this is the part where i talk about myself .
this past few days , i feel much-much better ,
knowing that my friends are here to cheer me up and
also to wipe my tears . reallie , im okay .
but last night and also some other nights & days in school ,
i dont reallie feel that im fine and that im lyink when i asy im okay .
when i laugh , i feel like im laughing so fake . and when i smile ,
i know im everybody can see its just a smile that im forced out .
idk why im feeling that way , maybe my self-esteem is just crushed
by some people who laughed at my face when i teared .
and maybe , my self-confidence is just not strong like how it used to be .
or maybe , im just feeling disappointed with myself for everything that
ive done and the hurt that ive caused and that im forced to live with
all this regrets and knowing that i can do nothing about it .
plus , im very tired . and im panicking cause of my Os .
lets summarise , i can just say ,
im okay but im not . does that even make sense ?
i guess yeah , cause thats how im feeling now .
btw , thanks AISYAH for the chocs .
youre such a true friend and i must admit i love you alot :]
hehs .
so i guess thats all for now ,
should go nap for awhile before getting ready for night study .
bbye ; I Love You .
schools been fine today , but some minor-minor stuffs
do reallie make me go sour for awhile .
but hey , im okay :]
pls lah classmate , im sick of ure stuck-up antics ,
like i said whatever you do and say to me or others ,
dont matter .. it just shows how IMMATURE you are .
and im not gonna waste my time talking or explaining this misunderstanding
to someone IMMATURE . not only am i gonna waste my time , saliva and get myself tired ,
im very sure , nothing i say will go through ure pea-size brain .
and btw , if you said that i cried just to gain sympathy ,
then , i can say that to you today .
i saw you cryink last night during night study and today in english class today ,
if im a b*tch like how ure acting , i could have just gone to ure place and said right in ure face
that you should reflect on ureself and that you ureself are tryink to gain sympathy .
but luckily , im nice and even if idk why ure cryink , im sure things are hard ,
thats why ure cryink and it'll dampened ure mood even more if i went there
and act all bitchy . im not just sayink and not doink it cause i dont dare ,
pls .. you know im no longer that small kid you can push around and
that i dare to say or do anitink i want cause i know whats the consequences are
and that im brave enough to speak up for it .
and ya , stop insisting that majority of the class hates me , cause
all you know , the majority doesnt hate me but hates you instead .
dont be so sure of ureself and ure mouth cause im pretty sure im much more nicer
to you even if im noisy and that MAJORITY of the class hates you more than me .
stop pointing fingers at me , when you ureself aint no better .
you know ureself best , so reflect on ureself , im in no position to judge ,
but judging from what i see in school on how you behave and treat people ,
i know ure much-much-much worst that me . in ure face !
like ive said , schools been fine , but due to my classmate who
seriously have nutink better to do and who doesnt have any manners ,
which reallie reflect on her upbringing , reallie make me frown .
but now , im no longer gonna waste my time thinking bout ure immature acts
and that you know whatever you say reflects greatly on ureself and that ure
wasting ure brain cells and saliva talking to me .
furthermore , i didnt do anitink to you & i dont think im doing anitink wrong now .
two can play the game , and if you think you can blog bout me labelling me and
Saangeetha barbarians , i can blog bout you too . and pls ,
go opened up the dictionary and check up the meaning of barbarian ,
cause i dont think im behaving like a uncivilised person like you are .
and im reallie disappointed that Malay Dance are not performing
for the teacher's day concert duer to shortage of time and also
unsupportive co-members .
note : if you arent willing to sacrifice ure time and effort ,
jsut say so right in oure faces . mind you , we might not be like the other seniors
last year who are fierce but , we tried to give you guys face and kept
quiet bout some stuffs .. but if ure gonna give us faces and talk crap
that brought down our hopes , i suggest you wait till all of us are gone and than
start showing ure attitudes next year cause , we are STILL here and we're not blind .
and its okay , Syakila . i'll just treat the Grand Dinner Concert Performance
as the last performance for me . i dont blame you for anitink okie ?
and yes , insyaallah if theres another chance , we'll jump for it .
okays , this is the part where i talk about myself .
this past few days , i feel much-much better ,
knowing that my friends are here to cheer me up and
also to wipe my tears . reallie , im okay .
but last night and also some other nights & days in school ,
i dont reallie feel that im fine and that im lyink when i asy im okay .
when i laugh , i feel like im laughing so fake . and when i smile ,
i know im everybody can see its just a smile that im forced out .
idk why im feeling that way , maybe my self-esteem is just crushed
by some people who laughed at my face when i teared .
and maybe , my self-confidence is just not strong like how it used to be .
or maybe , im just feeling disappointed with myself for everything that
ive done and the hurt that ive caused and that im forced to live with
all this regrets and knowing that i can do nothing about it .
plus , im very tired . and im panicking cause of my Os .
lets summarise , i can just say ,
im okay but im not . does that even make sense ?
i guess yeah , cause thats how im feeling now .
btw , thanks AISYAH for the chocs .
youre such a true friend and i must admit i love you alot :]
hehs .
so i guess thats all for now ,
should go nap for awhile before getting ready for night study .
bbye ; I Love You .
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
hello everyone .
life's been shitty this past week , but im feeling much much better now .
i think im doing better in my studies and that maybe i'll have a chance to
even fair well for my Os .
and thnks Mdm Lung for prinitng chem notes for us .
that notes realie gave me hope on my Chemistry , i was starting to think that
im not gonna have enough time to study all my Chem and i was starting to panic .
hahas .
& yes , i know youve probably heard whats been happening between me
& dearest Irsyad . yes , we went our separate ways and its okay ,
im respecting ure decisions .
reallie Irsyad , i reallie did understand u and yes i did accept you for who you are .
ive realised that ive not explained enough to you but , it'll probably be pointless now ,
but yeahs Ryann & Farid said , Patience & Perseverance is the key , so i might as well
post it now .
the reason why i dont understand why ure keeping things from me was that ,
i reallie thought that i as ure girlfriend would have a right to know what ure going through ,
be it ure joy , ure sadness or anitink that comes ure way . and yes , i'd still dare to think
that other girls in this wide-wide world will think the same way i did too .
i thought u wasnt convinced when i said that i accept you for who u are and
also that i understand what ure going through .
im so sorry i'd think that way , and all i can do now is live with regrets .
theres so much more that i wanted to do with you , wanted to say to you ,
wanted to feel with you but i never got the chance to cause of my shallow-mindedness .
yes , ive always love you alot , ive always understand u and that ive always trusted you .
the situation got the better of me at most times , but , i know thats no reason .
we didnt communicate well & that may have cause most of the understandings ,
at least to me .
and honey , ive never put you on the same level of importance with someone else .
youve always been the first person i think about in the morning when i wake up ,
and the last person i think of at night when i sleep and reallie , im always thinking about you .
that person , ive long regarded him as a friend , not more than that and i have no feelings for him anymore unlike how other people pointed out to you .
theyre not me so , they dont know how i reallie felt .
and you were the one who taught me to forget the past , forget him and accept everything thats fated . youre presence in my life had so much impact on me , as in a good way .
you taught me loads of stuffs and most of all , thorugh everything youve done for me and in general , youve taught me to love you .
still yes , im respecting ure decision , even though im devastated and hurt .
its okay , i understand why youve come to it .
i understand ive given you so much more hurt than happiness and that you wanna break out from it . but just so you know , i'll always love you and that im always here for you .
and no , i dont think ure evil okay honey ?
and you take very good care of ureself , eat more Roti John , Nips & Yam Pie and drinks loads more Soya Bean so you wont be so thin and that you wont get gastric .
and oh ya !, write more songs ! and study smart for ure Os !!
& i love you and i miss you .
and thanks so much to my friends who tried to cheer me up ,
who talked to me , who was with me when im down .
namely , Saangeetha , Farah , Ryann , Farid , Cass , Aisyah .
and thanks so much Ryann & Elis for the hugs ,
and Sufyan & Patricia for listening .
and Darshenee and all of you guys for the advice .
and Farid , thnks alotttttttttttttt for being you , thnks
alot for ure advice , for ure help and also for being there .
yeahs , i hope things work out :]
other than our breakup , one of my classmate have been reallie-reallie mean to me &
Saangeetha . pls classmate , reflect on ureself .
whatever you do , shows how immature you are .
and i DID NOT do anitink to you , so , pls explain the attitude youve been giving me ,
by blaming me for the breakup and also laughing in my face with ure group of friends , doesnt help when im cryink my heart out & begging Ish to talk to me . ive always respected you
as my classmate and maybe friend . but , explain to me what ive done wrong
to always get laughed at , screamed at and blamed by you ?
me and Saangeetha is close , but does that mean that i also told the teacher on you ?
get ure facts right . and , what you said at ure blog is pure bullshit .
reflect on ureself , ask ureself why she told on you .
you imagine ureself being in her shoes , whereby you studied reallie hard for an exam ,
and ure classmate next to you , with no shame at all , took out her notes and start referring
to the notes through the exam . nevermind that , when the whole class gets back their results ,
you and her are on the same level meaning that u got the same marks as her .
wont you feel its unfair ? wont you get fed-up ?
now tell me .
and pls reflect on ureself before you hurl insults at me and Saangeetha .
what you say about or to ask , doesnt matter but to come to think of it ,
im blogging bout this , to alert you on how immature youve been .
tell me what you gonna say to the teacher if one of us would had wanna complain .
' erms . i insulted , shout and laughed at her cause she told teacher i cheat in my test '
who is the teacher gonna reprimand ? you ? or us ?
ask ureself . im sure Saangeetha didnt want to tell on you but tell me how many times
have you cheated . and pls , my dear girl . Os are just 2 months away , if youre gonna
cheat in tests , how are you gonna know how you reallie fair ? and how are you gonna prepare ?
we're not tryink to get you into trouble , we just want you to realise your mistakes and
reallie start studyink . pls think .
and for the last time , i didnt report you to teacher & i didnt to anitink to you .
so , stop giving me ure sick attitude .
and oh ya !
my dear Farah , i hope things will work out for you and Amsyar .
dont fight anymore okay dearie and things will be okay .
move on with him , not w/o him okay .
and i'll make sure Amsyar treat you right this time .
and i'll go personally to his house and punch his face the next time he hurt you .
my dear cousin Nisa , you cheer up , dont cry anymore .
listen to ure heart , do what you think is best for you .
ive not met Rahu but i know he must be nice for you to fall for him ..
but apart from that , do consider Ayum's feelings , look at how far the both of you
have gone , thinks back about the memories both of you share ,
do you wanna throw it all away just like that ? i cant make the decision for you ..
listen to your heart and do what you think is best for ureself .
dont care bout what people say , you live for ureself and nobody else ; quoting Ryann :]
cheer up okay ? and as promise ,
HAPPY BELATED 16TH BIRTHDAY TO NISAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !
; 13/08/2008 .
& HAPPY NISAYUM DAYYYYYY ! one year already eh ?
hahas .
& HAPPY BELATED 14th TO FAHRUL FAHMI ; 080808 .
lil' bro , study hard for ureself , make ibu & ayah proud :]
dont be naughty anymore okay & dont make me angry with you cause ,
i'll make you angry with me and then we'll fight .
so ya , happy birthday bro :]
and i got my MT Os results .
i got a B3 AND a Merit for my oral . hip-hip-hooray to me .
i dont have to retake :]
that'll be it , need to get ready for night study :]
bbye ; I LOVE YOU .
life's been shitty this past week , but im feeling much much better now .
i think im doing better in my studies and that maybe i'll have a chance to
even fair well for my Os .
and thnks Mdm Lung for prinitng chem notes for us .
that notes realie gave me hope on my Chemistry , i was starting to think that
im not gonna have enough time to study all my Chem and i was starting to panic .
hahas .
& yes , i know youve probably heard whats been happening between me
& dearest Irsyad . yes , we went our separate ways and its okay ,
im respecting ure decisions .
reallie Irsyad , i reallie did understand u and yes i did accept you for who you are .
ive realised that ive not explained enough to you but , it'll probably be pointless now ,
but yeahs Ryann & Farid said , Patience & Perseverance is the key , so i might as well
post it now .
the reason why i dont understand why ure keeping things from me was that ,
i reallie thought that i as ure girlfriend would have a right to know what ure going through ,
be it ure joy , ure sadness or anitink that comes ure way . and yes , i'd still dare to think
that other girls in this wide-wide world will think the same way i did too .
i thought u wasnt convinced when i said that i accept you for who u are and
also that i understand what ure going through .
im so sorry i'd think that way , and all i can do now is live with regrets .
theres so much more that i wanted to do with you , wanted to say to you ,
wanted to feel with you but i never got the chance to cause of my shallow-mindedness .
yes , ive always love you alot , ive always understand u and that ive always trusted you .
the situation got the better of me at most times , but , i know thats no reason .
we didnt communicate well & that may have cause most of the understandings ,
at least to me .
and honey , ive never put you on the same level of importance with someone else .
youve always been the first person i think about in the morning when i wake up ,
and the last person i think of at night when i sleep and reallie , im always thinking about you .
that person , ive long regarded him as a friend , not more than that and i have no feelings for him anymore unlike how other people pointed out to you .
theyre not me so , they dont know how i reallie felt .
and you were the one who taught me to forget the past , forget him and accept everything thats fated . youre presence in my life had so much impact on me , as in a good way .
you taught me loads of stuffs and most of all , thorugh everything youve done for me and in general , youve taught me to love you .
still yes , im respecting ure decision , even though im devastated and hurt .
its okay , i understand why youve come to it .
i understand ive given you so much more hurt than happiness and that you wanna break out from it . but just so you know , i'll always love you and that im always here for you .
and no , i dont think ure evil okay honey ?
and you take very good care of ureself , eat more Roti John , Nips & Yam Pie and drinks loads more Soya Bean so you wont be so thin and that you wont get gastric .
and oh ya !, write more songs ! and study smart for ure Os !!
& i love you and i miss you .
and thanks so much to my friends who tried to cheer me up ,
who talked to me , who was with me when im down .
namely , Saangeetha , Farah , Ryann , Farid , Cass , Aisyah .
and thanks so much Ryann & Elis for the hugs ,
and Sufyan & Patricia for listening .
and Darshenee and all of you guys for the advice .
and Farid , thnks alotttttttttttttt for being you , thnks
alot for ure advice , for ure help and also for being there .
yeahs , i hope things work out :]
other than our breakup , one of my classmate have been reallie-reallie mean to me &
Saangeetha . pls classmate , reflect on ureself .
whatever you do , shows how immature you are .
and i DID NOT do anitink to you , so , pls explain the attitude youve been giving me ,
by blaming me for the breakup and also laughing in my face with ure group of friends , doesnt help when im cryink my heart out & begging Ish to talk to me . ive always respected you
as my classmate and maybe friend . but , explain to me what ive done wrong
to always get laughed at , screamed at and blamed by you ?
me and Saangeetha is close , but does that mean that i also told the teacher on you ?
get ure facts right . and , what you said at ure blog is pure bullshit .
reflect on ureself , ask ureself why she told on you .
you imagine ureself being in her shoes , whereby you studied reallie hard for an exam ,
and ure classmate next to you , with no shame at all , took out her notes and start referring
to the notes through the exam . nevermind that , when the whole class gets back their results ,
you and her are on the same level meaning that u got the same marks as her .
wont you feel its unfair ? wont you get fed-up ?
now tell me .
and pls reflect on ureself before you hurl insults at me and Saangeetha .
what you say about or to ask , doesnt matter but to come to think of it ,
im blogging bout this , to alert you on how immature youve been .
tell me what you gonna say to the teacher if one of us would had wanna complain .
' erms . i insulted , shout and laughed at her cause she told teacher i cheat in my test '
who is the teacher gonna reprimand ? you ? or us ?
ask ureself . im sure Saangeetha didnt want to tell on you but tell me how many times
have you cheated . and pls , my dear girl . Os are just 2 months away , if youre gonna
cheat in tests , how are you gonna know how you reallie fair ? and how are you gonna prepare ?
we're not tryink to get you into trouble , we just want you to realise your mistakes and
reallie start studyink . pls think .
and for the last time , i didnt report you to teacher & i didnt to anitink to you .
so , stop giving me ure sick attitude .
and oh ya !
my dear Farah , i hope things will work out for you and Amsyar .
dont fight anymore okay dearie and things will be okay .
move on with him , not w/o him okay .
and i'll make sure Amsyar treat you right this time .
and i'll go personally to his house and punch his face the next time he hurt you .
my dear cousin Nisa , you cheer up , dont cry anymore .
listen to ure heart , do what you think is best for you .
ive not met Rahu but i know he must be nice for you to fall for him ..
but apart from that , do consider Ayum's feelings , look at how far the both of you
have gone , thinks back about the memories both of you share ,
do you wanna throw it all away just like that ? i cant make the decision for you ..
listen to your heart and do what you think is best for ureself .
dont care bout what people say , you live for ureself and nobody else ; quoting Ryann :]
cheer up okay ? and as promise ,
HAPPY BELATED 16TH BIRTHDAY TO NISAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !
; 13/08/2008 .
& HAPPY NISAYUM DAYYYYYY ! one year already eh ?
hahas .
& HAPPY BELATED 14th TO FAHRUL FAHMI ; 080808 .
lil' bro , study hard for ureself , make ibu & ayah proud :]
dont be naughty anymore okay & dont make me angry with you cause ,
i'll make you angry with me and then we'll fight .
so ya , happy birthday bro :]
and i got my MT Os results .
i got a B3 AND a Merit for my oral . hip-hip-hooray to me .
i dont have to retake :]
that'll be it , need to get ready for night study :]
bbye ; I LOVE YOU .
Friday, August 8, 2008
hello .
this week has been pretty hectic but not as bad as last week .
hahas , the maths practice exam paper 2 on Wedns , suck alot .
maths teacher said , it'll be easy and that most of us will be
able to do it , but yeah right .. i skipped loads of questions cause i seriously
do not know how to do and all the constant thinking was causing me to have an headache ,
and i lay my head on the table to rest for approximately 45minutes after 'completing'
the paper . i just know , i'll not only fail , i'll fail badly .
just now the National Day Concert at school was kinda stupid ..
hahas , reminded me alot bout my primary school days .
but the bring, browse, fair was oh-kayyyyy ..
the auction at our school was super funny and i was entertained for awhile .
hms & Malay Dance's Booth cookies was super nice , i likeyyyyy .
walk back home after school after accompanying Saangeetha to Rivervale Plaza
with Boyfriend . and otw back , some kid was shoutink from his/her window ,
' Serangoon Kental ! ' , and according to Boyfriend , the kid hid behind his/her window
after hurling the insult at us .. immature much ?
then i screamed back , ' Klau nk ckp , turun bawah ckp depan muker kite ah ! '
and Boyfriend said , ' Kau yang kental ! '
and the kid stopped shouting . lame lah ah , stupid kid ,
whoever you are .. ure school must be super kental cause they got students like
you who dont dare hurl insults right at our face , who in short are cowards .
get a life lah . dont be so stupid .
& will be goink back to school later for night study ..
and we're having holidays till Tuesday bcoz of National day ..
Boo ! :[ & Yayyyyy ! :]
and this week , i guess i got super-mega pissed alot .
hms , i rmb-ed gettink pissed until i cried . hahas , thats stupid .
complained abit to Saangeetha and she can only say that she'll understand
if she imagined herself in the situation .
im still mega-pissed now , but what can i do ..?
its not up to me to decide what someone can or cannot do ..
its not up to me to decide on behalf of that person what he/she wants to tell me
stuffs he/she wants or doesnt want me to know ..
i'll just wait and see .
currently , just mega-pissed cause , someone's goink back on his/her words about telling
me everything , cause now , everything i found out about , i can only find out about it
if i go online and read his/her blog ..
not tryink to be unreasonable , but you promised me .. rmb ?
and yeahs , just bcoz of you goink back on ure word ,
i have to go to school everyday facing someone who's obviously upset and not ask
why he/she is cause im definitely sure that he/she wont confide or
talk things out with me ..
im tired of pretending not to care when obviously i do care , alot .
no , by not telling me whats happening to you , you're not making me happy ..
you're making me worry & upset .
& no , you dont even share ure joy with me . & yes , i dont understand why ure
keeping everything from me ..
you dont wanna affect my happiness ?, you wanna see me happy ?
yeahs , but thats not the way , cause im definitely not happy now .
and i guess , this is the reason why , i miss you alot .
cause , now i feel i dont know you even though i love you alot .
hahas , yeah whatever .
ouh ya , dont assume you know who im talking about .
& yes , Saangeetha .. cheer up okay .
im tryink my bet to cheer you up with my super lame jokes ..
and yes , i'll run with you if you wanna run .
dont worry , im here for you .
i think , that'll be it .
bbye ; I LOVE YOU :]
this week has been pretty hectic but not as bad as last week .
hahas , the maths practice exam paper 2 on Wedns , suck alot .
maths teacher said , it'll be easy and that most of us will be
able to do it , but yeah right .. i skipped loads of questions cause i seriously
do not know how to do and all the constant thinking was causing me to have an headache ,
and i lay my head on the table to rest for approximately 45minutes after 'completing'
the paper . i just know , i'll not only fail , i'll fail badly .
just now the National Day Concert at school was kinda stupid ..
hahas , reminded me alot bout my primary school days .
but the bring, browse, fair was oh-kayyyyy ..
the auction at our school was super funny and i was entertained for awhile .
hms & Malay Dance's Booth cookies was super nice , i likeyyyyy .
walk back home after school after accompanying Saangeetha to Rivervale Plaza
with Boyfriend . and otw back , some kid was shoutink from his/her window ,
' Serangoon Kental ! ' , and according to Boyfriend , the kid hid behind his/her window
after hurling the insult at us .. immature much ?
then i screamed back , ' Klau nk ckp , turun bawah ckp depan muker kite ah ! '
and Boyfriend said , ' Kau yang kental ! '
and the kid stopped shouting . lame lah ah , stupid kid ,
whoever you are .. ure school must be super kental cause they got students like
you who dont dare hurl insults right at our face , who in short are cowards .
get a life lah . dont be so stupid .
& will be goink back to school later for night study ..
and we're having holidays till Tuesday bcoz of National day ..
Boo ! :[ & Yayyyyy ! :]
and this week , i guess i got super-mega pissed alot .
hms , i rmb-ed gettink pissed until i cried . hahas , thats stupid .
complained abit to Saangeetha and she can only say that she'll understand
if she imagined herself in the situation .
im still mega-pissed now , but what can i do ..?
its not up to me to decide what someone can or cannot do ..
its not up to me to decide on behalf of that person what he/she wants to tell me
stuffs he/she wants or doesnt want me to know ..
i'll just wait and see .
currently , just mega-pissed cause , someone's goink back on his/her words about telling
me everything , cause now , everything i found out about , i can only find out about it
if i go online and read his/her blog ..
not tryink to be unreasonable , but you promised me .. rmb ?
and yeahs , just bcoz of you goink back on ure word ,
i have to go to school everyday facing someone who's obviously upset and not ask
why he/she is cause im definitely sure that he/she wont confide or
talk things out with me ..
im tired of pretending not to care when obviously i do care , alot .
no , by not telling me whats happening to you , you're not making me happy ..
you're making me worry & upset .
& no , you dont even share ure joy with me . & yes , i dont understand why ure
keeping everything from me ..
you dont wanna affect my happiness ?, you wanna see me happy ?
yeahs , but thats not the way , cause im definitely not happy now .
and i guess , this is the reason why , i miss you alot .
cause , now i feel i dont know you even though i love you alot .
hahas , yeah whatever .
ouh ya , dont assume you know who im talking about .
& yes , Saangeetha .. cheer up okay .
im tryink my bet to cheer you up with my super lame jokes ..
and yes , i'll run with you if you wanna run .
dont worry , im here for you .
i think , that'll be it .
bbye ; I LOVE YOU :]
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
HAPPY 1ST MONTHSARY DEAR BOYFIE !!
/ WE'RE ONE OUT OF 12 YEARS OLD !!
haha & yes , i love you alot & i know you love me too :]
i love you , i love you , i love you !
:]
/ WE'RE ONE OUT OF 12 YEARS OLD !!
haha & yes , i love you alot & i know you love me too :]
i love you , i love you , i love you !
:]
Saturday, August 2, 2008
hello .
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Note : not all photos are uploaded ,
someone bugging me to update , so heres for you .
and grab on , this post is gonna be long :]]]
but my memory sucks real bad , so everything wont be in detail .
hahas .
lets start with Mer's & Renny's Birthday !
even though we only celebrated Mer's birthday at Punggol Park ,
it was reallie fun and im very sure Mer enjoyed herself .
hms , bashing her was also fun & yes , i wont forget the game of truth or dare ,
cause it was reallie funny . hms , cant upload any pics as i dont have any :[[[
yeahs , Renny's birthday was only celebrated with the
cake-cutting thingy during recess . and she got bashed !
in her uniform ! hahas .
and me , Ryann , Cass had fun making her dizzy by twirling her around the canteen
when she was blindfolded . hahas .
there was also the Youth Day concert ,
which was successful for me ,cause i didnt make any mistakes on stage .
hahas , which was a miracle .
Youth Day concert was on the 4th of July , hahas .
i rmb-ed cause the next day was special , hahas !
yeahhhhhhs !
hahas , im sure you get it . hahas .
pictures : 
Note : not all photos are uploaded ,
group photos not yet received :]
and the next week , there was the 80th annual annivesary which was held at the
Grand Copthorne Riverside Hotel . hahas , and after getting all made up ,
i looked like my cousin !, which reallie excites me . hahas .
all went well , and i didnt make any mistakes , weee ~
we all had fun and we did camwhored alot .
also , Abng Izwan and his two friends was reallie funny .
and we were well-fed by the school and also Mdm Fauziah .
hahas , yeah . we keep stuffing our faces .
pictures :
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Note : not all photos are uploaded , have yet to receive group photos :]
and yeahs , this past 2 weeks , we've been reallie busy
and yeahs , this past 2 weeks , we've been reallie busy
with school , srps , practise exams & night study !
hahas , and i almost completed my art prep work !
just a little mbit more of colouring and im done :]
night study's fun cause we're in the school !!! AT NIGHT !
hahas , other than that , its reallie beneficial as we're left alone
to study within our group in a quiter environment than at home .
and our teachers are there to facilitate us , which is great . hahas .
hms , and yeahs not to mention the night trip home and waitink for the bus
is also very exciting and not to mention scary to a certain extent , for certain reason .
hahas , and theres this group of people , who reallie fell for
this one person lies , who claims he can see the supernatural .
and haha , you believed that fella's crap , but you dont believe what im saying .
hahas .
so yeahs , that must be it .
ive run out of things to say :]
bye ; i love you .
